I decided to move on Greg's brilliant idea of having a joke thread to lighten the mood! So here it is! Anyone and everyone can have their input! I'll start with one that got sent to me while we were playing tonight!

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##What's green and smells like bacon?##
##Kermit the Frog's fingers!############
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Haha, hopefully they'll start improving! Have fun!
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Viva La TTFE!

what do you call a prostitute that fingers herself?....Self employed!!

What women would do if they had a penis for a day

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9......

What men would do if they had a vagina for a day

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

A man and a woman just had sex. The man pulls out a cigarette and asks the woman, "Do you have a lighter?"

The woman replies, " There's some matches in the top drawer. "

The man opens it and finds matches perfectly aligned in a row over a photo of a man.

The man asks, " Is this your boyfriend?"

The woman say's, "No"

The guy asks, " Your husband?"

The woman says, "No"

The guy asks, " Well who is it then?"

The woman replies, " That's me before my operation!"

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."

"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"
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Statistical Genie

100% Attendance Record At TTFE 2010

Good work... keep 'em coming!!!!
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"For when the one great scorer comes to write against your name, he writes not that you won or lost but how you played the game"

TTFE Poolmania Champion 2011!

40 feet and stinky

What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?

Line dancing at the nursing home.

Why did the blonde cross the road?

I don't know.

Neither did she.

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

Karlito82 wrote:

Why did the blonde cross the road? I don't know. Neither did she.

HAHAHAHA!

What sit's at the end of the bed and takes the piss out of old people?

A kidney dialysis machine!
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Viva La TTFE!

Cocoa Nut

A woman goes to an ice cream parlor and asks for a chocolate ice cream cone. The clerk apologizes and says that they are out of chocolate and asks her if she'd like to choose a different flavor.
The customer says, "Sure, just give me chocolate, please."

The clerk again apologizes, and thinking that the woman didn't hear him, says, "I'm sorry, we don't have any chocolate left. Is there another flavor that I can get for you?"

The woman says, "Well I guess I'll have chocolate."

The clerk, extremely pissed now, tells the woman, "Spell VAN as in vanilla."

The woman spells out, "V-A-N."

"Now," says the clerk, "spell STRAW as in strawberry."

The woman spells out, "S-T-R-A-W."

"Okay," says the clerk, "Now spell FUCK as in Chocolate."

The woman looks dumbfounded for a moment and proclaims, "Wait - there's no 'FUCK' in 'chocolate!'"

And the Clerk replies, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
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Statistical Genie

100% Attendance Record At TTFE 2010

Karlito82 wrote:

40 feet and stinky What is 40 feet long and smells like urine? Line dancing at the nursing home.

or the queue at the post office lol
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Viva La TTFE!

A male bear and a rabbit were in the woods when they came across a genie. The genie said they'd grant them 3 wishes each. The bear had the first wish.

"I wish all the bears in this forest are female"

"Granted" replied the genie, and *POOF*, it was done.

The rabbit said "I wish for a safety helmet" and *POOF*, it was done.

The bear was looking very confused, but shrugged his shoulders and said "I want all the bear's in the neighbouring forests to be female!", and *POOF*, it was done.

The rabbit said, "I wish for a motorbike", and *POOF*, it was done.

Now the bear was looking very bewildered, but he carried on and said, "I wish that all the bears in the world were female", and *POOF*, it was done.

Then as his final wish, the rabbit said "I wish the bear was gay" and rode off into the distance on his motorcycle.
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Viva La TTFE!

w00t!

all good - keep em coming!
_________________
"For when the one great scorer comes to write against your name, he writes not that you won or lost but how you played the game"

TTFE Poolmania Champion 2011!