EXCLUSIVE: TTFE Announce New Rule at Conference

A series of ground-breaking changes to the way that TTFE conducts its weekly games are being considered at a conference starting today.

In the sports’s first ever ‘Joint Organisers’ Keep Evolving’ event designed to make sure the game stays relevant and responsive┬áto the players’ preferences, delegates signed off one of a┬ánumber of new measures which will improve the game for all.

The key change agreed by the committee will see the gradual adoption of ‘walking football’, the new sports craze which is sweeping the nation. In this style of football, players are actually penalised for running with the ball and all movement is reduced to a much slower pace.

Demonstrated in a video by the Geordie football legend Alan Shearer and Spurs goal ace Harry Kane, they explain how it’s becoming a wider, national sport.

Delegates explained that the move was necessary to keep up with the new and exciting initiatives that football is making. Others were overwhelmingly positive, citing old age as a major factor for the amendment.

One delegate said “I just can’t keep up with the kids these days with their Tinders and their new fangled iPhone 6s. I used to able to score goals for fun, now I can barely make the pitch gate without feeling my calf seize up.”

“We have to level the playing field somehow and this is the best way to do it.”

Critics responded to the move by saying it is discriminatory to the younger generation of TTFE players who are the next in line to take the organisation forward. One was quoted as saying “we’ll just become a bunch of old farts”. Delegates however were deficient, stating that walking football will get them to relive a time when they could be banging in goals like Alan Shearer, and no longer wallow in self-pity as an over-30 who now looks forward to visiting garden centres on the weekend.

Other measures up for debate today include monthly rugby games, multiball and the banning of the term ‘Joeing’ for all goals scored from rebounded shots off the back of the goalkeeper.

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